Waking Up

3 Apr

I looked out the kitchen window this morning and was surprised to see a cluster of white daffodils. Around here, daffodils and tulips grow rogue, like dandelions. When the ground unfreezes, you see their leaves in random places, like on the curb or smack in the middle of someone’s lawn. Once the flowers bloom, I feel like spring is officially here. With those first white daffodils that decided to put down their roots next to my garage, I feel like I’m starting to wake up.

We took a walk a couple weeks ago when everything was still brown and chilly. You could just barely see leaves starting to poke out of the ground but the main story was brown and ugly. There were remnants of the great snowman rapture, with every other lawn sporting a heap made up of a scarf, a hat, a carrot, and occasionally a pipe. Today those sad relics are gone and in their places is greening grass, trees starting to bud and daffodils popping out everywhere.  Forgive me if I’m sounding cheesy and high on spring, but you have to remember, I’ve been in hibernation for a while, as evidenced by the silence around here.

The babies are seven weeks old now.  Those seven weeks have been a crazy roller coaster. When we last posted, things were manageable. We were still honeymooning, the babies were sleeping like little teeny babies do, the overall tone around here was optimistic.

Not so much anymore.

About a month ago, when they hit their due date, the little munchkins decided they were going to stay awake more, synchronize their tantrums, and just for fun, decide not to go to bed. We had lots of wonderful help though, in the form of sister-in-law Stacy and Grandma and Grandpa De Leon, so it was very doable. (More on these fun visits soon. ) Our last visitor, my dear dear Beca, just left and the five of us now find each other on our own, eying each other nervously.

So here’s the update.

Finn is a much happier little boy than last time we talked. He’s been out playing with friends almost every morning and that has really made the difference for him. I felt so guilty at first, sending him out every day, but quickly realized that he’s much happier playing with friends for the morning than being here fighting for my attention. His language has taken off. He counts to ten and knows his ABC’s. He loves spelling out the words on signs at the grocery store. This week he started asking “why?” after everything I said. He’s enjoying being outdoors more and I’m excited that the warm weather is finally here so we don’t have to be stuck in the house as much. The zoo, which is a couple blocks away, opens for the season tomorrow and I’m going to go over and get a pass. Finn and I are also starting a vegetable garden in the backyard and this summer we’re going to do a swim class together.

Lucy went through an unfortunate bout of baby acne but it’s cleared up and she is just so pretty it’s hard to stop looking at her.  I finally had the thrill of shopping for little girl clothes for her. Last weekend Beca and I went to the outlets and had a blast finding gorgeous spring dresses for her. She’s still refluxy and spitting up a lot. I tried to cut out dairy but quickly found that she may share Patrick’s soy allergy, so that experiment was cut short. She’s gaining weight though so we’re not too worried. It’s more the annoyance of being yakked on eight times a day. She loves to be held and to look at the lights from the front window.

Rhett is a cuddler. He’s napping in his baby wrap on my chest as I type. He has a Jekyll/Hyde personality. Sometimes he’s a really mellow, laid-back kid. He’s content to just sit and stare at everything around him. Other times he only wants to be held and can scream like you wouldn’t believe. He gets himself really worked up and it’s hard to calm him down. He’s not a fan of napping during the day but is the better sleeper at night.

Patrick and I are barely surviving on the minimal amount of sleep. These kids are non-stop and if there’s a word to describe the early months of twins, it would be “relentless.” I don’t know how Patrick makes it through work every day, I can barely function here at home with no one to fake coherency to.

As expected, post-partum depression hit hard a few weeks ago. Does that make you uncomfortable to read about? I feel like I’m sharing a dirty secret. But it really shouldn’t be anything to be ashamed of, so I’m going to make an effort to be more open about it. It feels like I’ve been operating in a fog. I look back and I’m shocked at how much times has passed since the twins joined us. It’s been an emotional time, but we’re working hard on getting through it and especially with the sunshine and daffodils, I’m hoping the fog will lift soon.

Now that I’ve given the overall update, I’ll try to post shorter more specific posts more often.


6 Responses to “Waking Up”

  1. Liz April 3, 2010 at 11:32 pm #

    I was going to ask you about the PPD when I saw you last but didn’t want to pry or cause awkwardness. I’m so sorry. I’m happy to chat or have Finn come over or do whatever you need. I had PPD (or at least I think I did) after Connor and man, it sucks. I’ll call you next week when I’m back in town and we’ll work out the details. In the meantime, I send you e-hugs. 🙂

  2. Lydia April 4, 2010 at 12:23 am #

    Hey, the kids look beautiful! Finn looks like such a little man. And the twins complement each other so perfectly; Rhett looks like a cute little boy & Lucy looks so feminine! And PPD hits me hard with every. single. one. You shouldn’t have to endure alone. I understand exactly where you’re coming from. *hugs* & *loves* for all!

  3. Nancy April 4, 2010 at 12:25 am #

    Cute! Thanks for the pictures!

    Sorry to hear about the PPD. It’s hard when you feel like you should be happy but for some reason you’re so totally not. I still feel that way sometimes (often) and we’re on the verge of the 1/2 year point. But you’re amazing, so I know you can do it! 🙂

    And, wow, are they cute.

    Also, I can’t believe Finn is reading off letters! Rachel *was* interested in that a few months ago but since Miriam came along she couldn’t care less. Whenever I try to get her to do anything with letters or numbers she starts talking gibberish to me. It’s…awesome…

    We miss you out here!

  4. Melissa Carter April 4, 2010 at 12:30 am #

    Melissa and Pat,

    Congratulations! Your children are just beautiful.

    I hope you don’t mind me stalking every once in a while. Sam sent me the email announcement that Pat sent to him when your babies arrived.

    Reading about this brings up for me so many memories and emotions. (We too had a toddler (boy) and then boy/girl twins).

    Hang in there! My kids are 11 and (almost) 9 years and it is so much fun. I know it’s already amazing and fun for you now, but the lack of sleep I think is the biggest challenge. There is sleep….eventually :).

    Have a great day!

    ~Melissa Carter

  5. Jillian April 4, 2010 at 2:30 am #

    They are beautiful, and Finn enjoying that sunshine is just adorable.

    About the PPD, I’m so sorry, I can relate. I get this weird fear of everything with mine, it’s weird. After Zac was born I was sure that every jogger that ran past our house was actually a psychopath just staking the place out. Ug! It’s good to see more people being open about it.

    I saw a bumper sticker today that reminded me of you. It said: Twins +1=Classic over-achiever. I smiled, but then thought of all the work that goes along with that. We’re not sick anymore, so if you need a break and want me to come get Finn I can do that, if it helps. Or, if food is better, I can do that, too!

  6. em April 4, 2010 at 7:47 am #

    rock on girl. wish i was closer so i could come help you out! tell beca i say hi.

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